The only thing that kept me from committing suicide was the thought of the pain I would put my family through. So, when I was eventually diagnosed with cancer in 2010, I had a different reaction than most…I was relieved. I felt like the Universe had given me an escape with this divine Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card.” […]
My husband has a way of pointing out things that are true, but not necessarily nice. He’s in the timeshare business. You could say a perfect fit. To those who have seen him in action, most definitely so. For example, he’ll say, “Guys, imagine if your wives knew they would be on the beach at […]
We attempt to hide our deepest struggles behind a mask, a new purse…or perhaps a wig. Our external appearance attempts to convince everyone that everything’s ok…business as usual…I’m fine…I’m really, really… NOT fine. Why is it easier to share our little annoyances, grievances, and the external wrongs in our lives, but the deep painful internal […]
I googled “good chemo day” and didn’t find anything, but it’s a thing that shows up in our life experience every week. Keyword: “our”. I witness it, he feels it. Key point: we both experience it. On his “bad” chemo days, I’m not sure how to rescue him. It’s less about the pain in his […]
As the spouse, loved one, or caretaker of someone going through chemo, it is absolutely imperative that we develop this higher sense.
Intimacy requires it. Vulnerability insists upon it. Love expands around it. As our personal crazy is recognized and honored, our souls relax.
When we met for breakfast after my willPower workout, it was a big deal but I had no idea why. I did notice something different, but it was the exposed biceps..not the exposed spots. He was wearing a tank top. I had only recently convinced him to take off his shirt in bed. He’s very […]
I always feel a little off on Memorial Day…you would think 23 years of separation would help ease the pain. It does, but…not completely. Especially not when the second most important man in your life is battling for his…and it was our first night together that he didn’t cook me dinner. He couldn’t…he was too […]
Last night, he had bad dreams. Hard to sleep. He is already feeling the effects of cancer…weakness, fatigue, extreme temperature changes, dizziness, and recently, nausea and nose bleeds. So, today, when he went in, his doctors acknowledged this and took 12 vials of blood. Ouch. Then, when they started rattling off the potential side-effects of […]
In the process of destruction, how do you not destroy yourself? You learn from the butterfly…and the Desi-bear